My Reasons

It has been a year since I've been abstinent, and what way to start of a blog than to tell my reasons for picking up this journey.

I was dating a guy for a while my freshman year of college. We started off as friends/w benefits until he eventually wanted to move on to dating. After dating pretty seriously for about a month, I found out he had a girlfriend and ended the situation. Sophomore year I still wasn't over it and we ended up dating again. I found that by dating him the second time how hard it was for him to trust me. This I didn't understand. The dating did not last long and we parting again. Junior year I figured, third time is a charm, and we started dating again. I allowed it to get really serious for me, because the level in which I thought I was in love. It took me a couple of months to realize that he was only interested in having a physical relationship. That truly did hurt me and we parted again, this time for good.

I found myself blaming the situation between me and the guy I dated on me. It was my idea to start off as friends/w benefits. I found that by adding sex into the equation he found it much harder to trust me than the other relationships he had after where he was able to open up more. Had it not began that way, I believe things would have been different, meaning I would have realized how incompatible we were and fully recognized how immature he was dealing with my emotions (yeah it's a long story than I'm letting out, but I'm sure I'll open up about it more later on).

In between the three years we were off and on dating, there were some other men I met in between, but I was always treated like a sex buddy or "the other woman". I guess you can say I felt a lot of shame watching the men I had emotional and sexual relationships with move on to real relationships in a matter of months while I was still stuck in a pit. I can also say I don't truly forgive myself for allowing sex to destroy my dignity as well as my relations with the young man I spoke of previously.

This abstinence journey at first was to gain back confidence, security, and my dignity back. After a year it has become much more than that. Abstinence has given me stability and it has given me my virtue back. I feel 100% whole being abstinent now than I was before. It has helped me communicate with men better, and helped me realize that I am not my body; I am self.


There are often times I ponder about the one who got away. With that,I have gained a habit of calling sex the culprit for all my my previous problems. It's not exactly a good way of thinking, but abstinence does give me positivity that weights out the negative regression that lurks in my mined. I believe there are more exciting things to come. My mind is cleared from perversion and unwanted acts of lust. Abstinence has really helped me understand who I really am and what I really want.

I am a 20 year old college student and I am looking for a husband. I have always been looking for a husband. I see myself marrying THE ONE who I know for sure is THE ONE and not someone I only have sex in common with. I truly want a commitment, and with abstinence I hope to find someone who is looking for the same thing.